i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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