At least make sure they are 18
Why
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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