Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize