A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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