This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
