Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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