My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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