the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
