sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
