speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
