dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
