we're blogging at a bar
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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