I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
