I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
