big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
