Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
