I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We talked him into tasing himself.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
