I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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