4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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