Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
