What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
