why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
