I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
