i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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