please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
