My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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