the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize