I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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