Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
