Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
