I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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