And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
