If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
