That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize