It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
