I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize