My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize