mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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