is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
