You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i can't believe i had my finger in that
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
