Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
