Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
