I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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