why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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