Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
