I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
