How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
