Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
