i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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