Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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