I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
