ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
farters have to be the big spoon...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
