I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How does one acquire holy water?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
