Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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