No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
