I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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