I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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