if i can run in heels then i can drive
wanna go halves on a baby?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Shame - the story of my life.
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