Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
