it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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