im gay
i know
yea but for you.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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