I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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