She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
