My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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