At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
