Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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