found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
