his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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