He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
