Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
